Rules of Acquisition

The first Rules of Acquisition, codifying Ferengi culture for millennia to follow, were written by Grand Nagus Gint.[24] Ferengi children were expected to memorize all 285 rules of acquisition on command,[1] though females were forbidden to do so[7] prior to Grand Nagus Zek‘s reforms of the 2370s.[33]

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.[1]
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.[13]
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.[1]
7. Keep your ears open.[3]
8. Small print leads to large risk.[21]
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.[2]
10. Greed is eternal.[20]
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.[21]
16. A deal is a deal…[6] until a better one comes along.[21]
17. A contract is a contract is a contract. But only between Ferengi.[24]
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.[18]
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.[21]
21. Never place friendship above profit.[7]
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.[7]
27. There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.[21]
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother…[5] insult something he cares about instead.[21]
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.[7]
34. War is good for business.[19]
35. Peace is good for business.[19]
40. She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.[21]
41. Profit is its own reward.[21]
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.[21]
47. Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.[9]
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.[7]
52. Never ask when you can take.[21]
57. Good customers are rare as latinum. Treasure them.[10]
58. There is no substitute for success.[21]
59. Free advice is seldom cheap.[7]
60. Keep your lies consistent.[21]
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.[7]
65. Win or lose, there’s always Huyperian beetle snuff.[21]
75. Home is where the heart is… but the stars are made of latinum.[16]
76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies![4]
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.[21]
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.[21]
85. Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.[21]
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.[21]
94. Females and finances don’t mix.[21, 29]
95. Expand or die.[25]
97. Enough… is never enough.[21]
98. Every man has his price.[28]
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.[21]
102. Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.[15]
103. Sleep can interfere with… (ending unknown)[7]
104. Faith moves mountains… of inventory.[21]
106. There is no honor in poverty.[21]
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.[9]
111. Treat people in your debt like family… exploit them.[17, 26]
112. Never have sex with the boss’s sister.[12]
113. Always have sex with the boss.[21]
117. You can’t free a fish from water.[21] (See also: Rule 217)
121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.[21]
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.[21]
125. You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.[31]
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.[8]
141. Only fools pay retail.[21]
144. There’s nothing wrong with charity… as long as it ends up in your pocket.[21]
162. Even in the worst times, someone turns a profit.[21]
177. Know your enemies… but do business with them always.[21]
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.[21]
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.[21]
190. Hear all, trust nothing.[27]
192. Never cheat a Klingon… unless you’re sure you can get away with it.[21]
194. It’s always good business to know about your customers before they walk in your door.[11]
202. The justification for profit is profit.[21]
203. New customers are like razor-toothed gree-worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.[22]
211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don’t hesitate to step on them.[23]
214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.[13]
217. You can’t free a fish from water.[17] (See also: Rule 117)
218. Always know what you’re buying.[21]
223. Beware the man who doesn’t make time for oo-mox.[21]
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.[21]
236. You can’t buy fate.[21]
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.[24]
242. More is good… all is better.[21]
255. A wife is a luxury… a smart accountant a necessity.[21]
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.[21]
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.[23]
266. When in doubt, lie.[21]
284. Deep down everyone’s a Ferengi.[21]
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.[14, 30]
Unk. Exploitation begins at home.[32]


Sunday, December 18th, 2011 DS9, Library, Miscellaneous, Voyager

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